Saturday, October 16, 2010

Communicating is Beyond Words

Many of us may have had the opportunity of watching one of these TV shows where contestants compete in a singing competition – “Pop Idols, Naija Sings, and Project Fame.” A few times clusters of participants are given a challenge to sing the same song, expectedly done with very different results. The same goes for trainers/teachers facilitating a workshop/class – same content, different appeal; or even business leaders reading out a speech or broadcasters reading the same news on the television. Although in all these situations, the communication is based on the same content (words), it is clear to see who is really communicating with impact, and it is beyond the words.

Effective and impactful communication therefore goes beyond your words. While the words you use are very important your audience has to sieve through the delivery of those words first, and this involves other components that you have to pay attention to. Albert Merhabian, a renowned American psychologist’s research further confirms this. According to him, an audience’s total “liking” of a message (their positive response to it) is made up of 7% verbal (words), 38% vocal (tone) and 55% facial (body language). It means therefore that beyond your words, you should be very concerned about your tonality and body language as you communicate.

Communication therefore has physical and emotional components that have to be contextualized to make it impactful. If your words are not carried within the right physical delivery and emotional context – they become merely words, sometimes empty and only with a 7% chance of being liked by your audience, no matter how much “big grammar” you use.

Going back to the example of singers, trainers, and broadcasters, you can therefore see clearly what gives the very best of these the winning edge. On a personal note, I remember my best and worst speaking events, and the difference is always about how I am able to connect with my audience emotionally, and display a physical presence and connection with them. Surely, saying the right words, and getting your diction right are important, but in the game of public speaking either as a performing musician, politician, public speaker, trainer or broadcaster, everyone expects you to have the right words and diction as a minimum pre-requisite. If you are still struggling with getting the words right, it is almost impossible for example to make it past the audition in a singing competition. In fact Merhabian’s research is gaining stronger ground these days as nobody even knows the lyrics of popular music any longer; it is much more about the beat (tone) and the performance (body language) of the artiste.

To make the emotional connection, your words have to have meaning to the audience, and this even applies in written communication. Using stories and real-life experiences or true to life examples that your audience can latch on to will help make that connection. Don’t write in too much of the abstract, bring home the story with examples that are well known to the audience, and be audience-centric. Using your personal situations and examples also helps the audience to see that your content is not too “theoretical” but that indeed you have real life personal experience – good or bad of the issues. Also, learn to vary and control the tone of your voice and capture the emotions of the underlying words appropriately as you speak. Some speakers go through emotionally charged content with the same consistent flat tone, unable to ride the highs and lows of the content as they deliver. A great remedy for this is to practice inflexion with singing, especially nursery rhymes and children’s songs that have a lot of undulating high and low notes. I think that the time spent watching and singing along on Sesame Street and the Sound of Music with my girls has helped in this regard, and is something I still do.

Connecting physically means that your body language has to be respectful, engaging and confident. Managing the thin line between arrogance and confidence is particularly important. Also, in a bid to be respectful, speakers need to manage the delicate balance between sympathy and empathy. While we empathize with our audience, we must respectfully remain in charge and not over-sympathize and yield to all their needs. You see some teachers, trainers and facilitators get so sympathetic, that they are completely worn out by their audience and this affects their physical delivery and connection. To physically connect, we also need to stay focused on the audience, make eye contact, and use an appropriate amount of gesticulation and movement to convey the words that we speak.

Making a connection with your audience - individual or a group is beyond your words. Getting the words right is important, but quite frankly almost taken for granted. The real impact is felt in the emotional and physical connection. Make sure you make the right physical and emotional connection in your next speaking event (even a one-on-one with your boss, subordinate or client), and communicate with impact!

No comments:

Post a Comment